Blogging On (and in) My Mind

It is a little hard for me to believe that I haven't blogged since August! I guess I've been a little busy....

I don't know if other bloggers experience this, but I find that I do a lot of blogging in my head. It's kind of a neat phenomenon, I have a profound thought (well, a thought anyway), and as I think about it, the words come together as if I were blogging about it.

The words flow as if I were writing it down, but this occurs only in my head, usually pretty late at night, as I sit in the boys' room while they fall asleep and I have the only quiet moment(s) I get all day. Sadly, the wonderful blogs that I have composed in this virtual way never made it to the actual blogosphere - primarily because I fall asleep in their room and awaken only to drag myself to my own bed to fall back asleep.

So, sadly, I am left with some random thoughts:

I found myself very disappointed when I overheard a mom who I thought was an unschooler (an assumption I have stopped making about people that are in the Unschoolers group we participate in, regardless of the group name) having a discussion with a school-at-home mom in our group about curriculums and "teaching" methods.

Another (so I thought) die hard unschooler has her son go to co-op classes that sounded decidely schoolish (but I could have misheard this one).

And this came just when I could have used a little reinforcement about the unschooling life and the sense it makes (I actually never waiver from this, but it doesn't hurt to have some support about it). I must have been feeling slightly insecure, though, because I was really bothered by their display of insecurity. I guess I still think that we are on the forefront of a fundamental change, and how will change occur when even the "outliers" all just fall back on the same old patterns and behaviors?

Another random thought is about how schools have become necessary because we have set up this economy that requires that both parents work (usually) in order to have some kind of decent life. It also occurs to me that school is necessary (perhaps) for "disadvantaged" kids, because many of them would not get exposure to certain technologies or other elements if it were not for school. That is not to say we shouldn't change what school looks like, though.

Random thought #3 (related to the previous one) is about tradeoffs, and is it really necessary to scale back dramatically to manage an unschooled life? I have been thinking about this one a lot lately as I try to juggle working (from home) and spending time with my boys when they need it. Many people in my online groups and even the physical ones live pretty sparsely - and even advocate this. But is it necessary? I think not, but I must say I don't have a lot of evidence for my point of view. I just read something recently that said the recession has forced everyone to look at "what really matters" - I know this has happened at least once before in my lifetime, because I remember the stories about people fleeing to remote regions to live the "simple life".

Random thought #4 is about work and money and happiness - this discussion came up the other day and I think I can summarize it this way: I was brought up with the idea that you should find work to make as much money as possible so you will be happy. I now believe that it is better to find work that makes you happy, and then money will follow (or not, but at least you're happy anyway). This is not a new theory, of course, but it remains one that is difficult for people (even me) to embrace, probably because we are taught pretty early on that our own happiness is unimportant.

Perhaps more on those random thoughts in another blog - hopefully one in print instead of in my mind.

A Shift

I was reading over some of my past posts and I noticed an underlying tone of frustration or even anger. I wasn't consciously aware of that when I wrote them, but I've had little shift over the last couple of days that allowed me to see it that way.

And I started to ask myself why I was so mad. And the thoughts that came up were like "I feel like I have been tricked" or "I feel like I've been lied to" or "I feel like I didn't before have the benefit of all of the knowledge I now have, so my decisions were not informed and I may have made other choices".

And when I posed a question to an unschooling group, I found another new perspective (or one that I understood but forgot). I had asked what the group thought of joining an organization to fight for change in our public school system. I was still feeling that though I had experienced what I would call a breakthrough in understanding, not everyone else had, and I felt it was somehow my responsibility to move them toward it (kicking and screaming, perhaps?) so they wouldn't feel tricked as well.

One member said "I began to realize that "fighting against" or "fighting for" are the same thing for me...and within each is a the notion of resistance and repelling energies. I noticed that when I thought of having to figure out how to "save" someone or something or some idea the energy of saving felt heavy...but the idea of sharing felt much lighter and better to me."

This statement and my watching a movie ("Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium" - I'm not kidding, you have to see this movie) have gotten me back on track. I will enjoy the journey, and when I can share, I will, passionately and, hopefully, convincingly, as I still remember that it took only a page full of words on the web to open my mind to the possibilities as though a great flashlight had been shined on my truth.

Neighborly Chat

Next week is the start of school for students in our part of the world. My boys and I had just been talking about how, instead of starting school next week, we were going to go to the beach and stay in a "beach condo" for a couple of days to celebrate our new unschooled life.

Later on our boys were chatting with their friend ("J") - a 7 year old boy who lives next door. I heard them talking about his starting school next week and I just had to eavesdrop:

D: "So you are going to start school next week?"
J: "Yes"
R: "We're not, we're going to the beach condo!!"
J: "Are you still going to homeschool? What will that be like?"
R: "We'll play, and build with legos, and stuff."
J: "You won't learn anything?"
R: "No, I'm already smart."

I was taken by the statement, "You won't learn anything?" as if you couldn't learn anything unless you were in school. How conditioned we all are to believe that!

What I was even more amazed at was that neither of my boys got nervous about or felt uneasy with that statement - just a simple response ("I'm already smart") from our youngest and that was that.

I find that I am a little nervous as the "deadline" draws near, but I try to stop and remember what brought us to this point.

But I am glad we will be celebrating together without distractions. We'll look for those weird little Coquina shells and crabs, and we'll fish and catch who knows what in the net. We'll enjoy a beautiful sunset and watch for the "green flash", and maybe watch some equally beautiful thunderstorms with their huge anvils and awesome lightning. We'll build sand castles and dig holes until they fill with water below sea level.

We better be careful. We might learn something.....

E-mail to a Friend

This is an excerpt from an e-mail I sent to a friend who is also just starting down the homeschooling path (I changed it a little to fit the blog). It turned out to be a sort of soliloquy on what I think about schools and how I came to "unschooling":

"I think I was so overjoyed to find unschooling because when I was in school I thought it was unbelievably pointless and stupid (and in my case, my early experiences were pretty bad), and here was another way that no one had told me about. I too got through school OK (a bit of rebellion in high school - no wonder) but I went to work as soon as I could so I could do something "meaningful". I took my college courses at night while I worked full time. It was better when it was my choice to go and I wasn't forced, though to be honest I only did it because I was pushed by my boss at my first real job. It didn't have anything to do with my job or how well I did it, of course, he just wanted me to have that stamp.

I believe with all my heart I would not be as fearful or conforming today if my schooling had not programmed me that way. I have always told people, "I love to learn, I just hated school".

I am a little sad that it took me until I was in my forties to even understand what had been "done to me" and I am determined to give my kids every option, not just the ones some faceless government educator thinks are options. That includes college or not at their discretion. Meaningful work is what everyone wants, and our education system pounds that idea right out of you.

But I don't really blame the system, I blame us (society) because we fully believe (I did too!) that other people know better what our kids need than we do. How could that possibly be? I also don't necessarily think it's some evil plot to make us all zombies (some people do think that). I think we have created a fleet of robots for a couple of hundred years and now the robots can't think of another way to do things.

I will say I told Daniel flat out I thought homework was stupid and he had to do it just so they would get off his back. But I too remember the fights he and I would have about it and how ridiculous it is that families are forced to spend their time fighting with their kids about something so pointless! What does it teach them? And when I think of the tears getting Ryan (and Daniel sometimes too in the early days) to go to school I could die. But I have to forgive myself, I didn't know better.

I have a friend that medicated her kid (he's 9) to get through the Florida FCATS. I was not as appalled as you might think. There is so much pressure and they were threatening to hold him back. He was a basket case when tested. She had him declared ADHD (recommended, of course, by his teacher) so at least he now gets more time for tests and stuff. And she took him off his medicine once the FCAT push was over. Look what we are driven to!

My little homeschool group is all pretty much unschoolers. Most have little kids though, so they are as new at it as I am. We have a new member that pulled her son out at second grade (he's like 11 now) so it's really good to talk to her.

One of the "problems" with creating a movement away from traditional school is that we (homeschoolers) all think different things (like the religious thing you mentioned). And so we're all in our hidey holes doing our thing by ourselves. But that's sort of the beauty of it too.

What kills me is the people that could absolutely homeschool (one parent is at home) but say they couldn't possibly. They are brainwashed (that might be too strong a word) as I was until only 6 months ago that we can't "teach" our kids (basically all we have to do is back off our kids - they're pretty darn smart). They only say they can't (as I did) because the thought of tormenting their kids like they do at school is unthinkable to us. But ironically we don't have the same view when we send them to school to be tormented. Maybe it's because we can blame someone else if it turns out badly. I plant little seeds (to anyone I talk to about education) when I can because I know for me it only took one essay on the web for me to awaken to other possibilities.

Anyway, I guess we have to be patient - the swine flu or the out of the box thinking of the new women leaders (;>) will rescue us and allow us to be more flexible in how we work and live and maybe that will help us come out of our "educated" haze and make more informed decisions. School could (should?) exist but it should be optional in my view. And college and post graduate school is valuable for technical teaching for doctors and lawyers and engineers and maybe even meteorologists (:>). But most of the "schooling" that leads up to that is pretty close to a waste of time. I may have to wait until my next incarnation to see any change come about in any real way."

Here is a link to a great YouTube "TED" video by Ken Robinson about how schools kill creativity. It's a little long but so worth watching: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG9CE55wbtY&feature=related

Are They Really Dumb?

Reading a review of a book about how dumb this generation is got me thinking. The reviewer complains that kids today are lazy and all they care about is twittering and facebooking with their friends. Hello? Even without twitter and facebook all kids ever wanted to do (after forced schooling) was socialize. This is no different.

This reviewer blames the parents, the kids, but not the schools. I was wondering why no one thinks that maybe if kids were able to learn something meaningful (to them), they might appear to be a little smarter? I suppose it depends on your definition of smart. If we accept that smart means they can parrot back facts to a teacher without a genuine understanding of the subject matter, well, we are doomed.

The other problem is that we take away our kids’ time and freedom with school so they have so little time and freedom left – would you want to sit and read after you've done your time in school? Particularly when it is accepted by society that you should sit for hours in a classroom learning stuff you don’t care about? No – you find something to do that you DO care about. For many, it’s socializing. Funny, if we allowed kids “normal” socialization either through school (no, folks, current socialization in school in not “normal”) or in some other way, they might not reject the education that is consuming their time (then again, I'm not saying they should ever accept what is currently taught as a requirement for leading a meaningful life).

Anyone think that maybe this generation is a huge untapped resource of creativity? Anyone think that maybe by forcing them to be in school for hours learning little that is “useful” in the real world (unless they want to be teachers) we are creating generation after generation of non-thinkers? We don’t require them to think creatively or even LET them think creatively – that’s why they’re dumb. And they’re really not – they’re just dumb by this reviewer-teacher’s standards - what they may be is LOST.

It still amazes me that we continue to lament to failures of our education system, but we never blame the schools. To my great dismay, even President Obama suggests extending school hours to try to make kids smarter (I was wholeheartedly disappointed to read this snippet of his education plan quite by accident in a book store – I turned right to that page, and this was no small volume).

To his credit, this reviewer did say (at least) that schools should teach technology and how to use it – simple MS Office applications like Excel and Word that have been around for years - are we really not even teaching this as part of a “curriculum” yet? And by the way, if we do, let's not forget to tell the kids why it's useful.

School is so ingrained into our society that there seems to be no way to collectively extract ourselves from it completely enough to step back and say “wait – we’re doing what??” I realize that my perspective is my own and don’t expect others to agree. With school as one of the out of control mighty monsters of our society, you have to have a certain resolve to step back and say “no, thanks, I think I’ll try something else for my kids.”

I just joined a group for "radical unschoolers": http://familyrun.ning.com

The form asked "what does radical unschooling mean to you?" My answer - "I thought unschooling was pretty radical in and of itself." They still let me join, though.

It had a great post with an essay about how grown ups usually approach kids' interests (read this - it's not just for unschoolers, it's for everyone):

http://www.ericnagler.com/Eric_story.htm

I had to reply with my own story (sorry Mom):

This is so great. It's so like how just about everyone approaches everything. I hope we all can overcome like the author did.

Our story: My son Ryan was playing with his counting bank. Having hours of fun adding coins to count up over a hundred, then dumping them out and adding them again to get to over 200, etc. He loved it. He called the number that displayed a percent (the intention is that it is dollars, of course, but no matter, we was learning the different coins and what they were "worth" and setting a goal (to get to the next 100) and counting patiently up to that goal).

My mother and her friend came over and Ryan showed them his bank and said "Look! I have 150 percent!". My mom's friend said, "that's not percent, that's dollars." He paused, but quitely added several more coins and said "now I have 200 percent!". To which the friend said, insistently, "that's not percent, that's dollars! See - that's a dollar sign!" Ryan paused again, longer this time. But since he loved this game (and didn't know this friend well - maybe she didn't know what she was talking about) he kept going.

He dumped out the coins and then started putting them in the bank, counting up from where he left off (his favorite part of the game). My mother shrieked "you can't do that!!!" as if there was some horrible fate that would befall him if he "cheated" this toy bank.

I was horrified. I said to them - "stop!!!" but too late. He has never again played with the counting bank toy that gave him so much pleasure since the day the grown ups ruined the fun.

Last Day of School

Our friends have started a blog for their adventure aboard their boat, and I thought, well, we're not going anywhere, but we are certainly beginning an adventure!

Today was Daniel's last day of school, and tomorrow is Ryan's last day.

So technically, by Friday, we will be starting an adventure called "unschooling". It is probably the best and most exciting thing I have ever done in my whole life (aside from getting married and having babies).

That may sound extreme, but it is the truth. I have never felt more sure of any decision.

Unschooling is a practice of "natural learning" or "self directed learning" in which the children drive the learning and therefore absorb the knowledge more fully and own it more completely. It allows for exploration on any level and it assumes the interconnectedness of all disciplines (as opposed to the segmented form of learning math, science, language, history in separate classes or lessons as in traditional school).

It is, in it's most pure form, learning from life.

We will have many opportunities to explore options for "education" and I'll use this blog as a way to share what we've learned.

Eventually this blog will be incorporated into our new web site: www.scnlc.org

We will be setting up (ironically) a private school, called the "Suncoast Natural Learning Center", which will give us the freedom to pursue educational methods that work for us rather then being held to the artificial (in our opinion) standards prescribed to homeschoolers by the public school system.

Hang on, it's going to be a wild ride!